Do You Belong?

I have a sneaking suspicion that there is a particular place (or places) that everyone of us feels like we don’t quite fit, and the places where we think we do we still have a nagging sense that we don’t.  Just the word belonging feels like a nice warm blanket to me … and one I have to be cautious of lest I find my belonging in places of earth rather than places of ultimate rest.  The New Testament writers under the inspiration of the Spirit wrote plenty about not having our hearts fixed here, being citizens of heaven, living as strangers here, and the language of being aliens.  So there’s the theological foundation – God’s children don’t belong here.  But there’s more, isn’t there? He created us for relationship and whether it be marriage, family, or friendship, He wants us to taste of the richness of real community. But why is that so hard?

A Distorted Culture of Belonging 

Simply put, when being a “member” of something is so casual, a true sense of belonging is hard to find.  Reflecting on this last night, my wife insightfully commented about how easy it is for people to be members of just about everything, and as a result it doesn’t mean all that much.  You can join Sam’s Club or Costco, be a rewards member of just about every retail store out there, be a card-carrying Starbucks gold customer, and even your favorite credit card is eager to call you a platinum cardholder.  When we are part of so much, how can that not reduce actually belonging to something?  I mean just because you have your favorite rewards card to one store doesn’t mean you don’t shop at another store, so really what’s the big deal about a covenant commitment anyway? My armchair-quarterback purview of our culture is that we gorge on being “joiners” (in an effort to belong), but run from being “committers” (to avoid being truly known).  Those two provide a tumultuous conflict of interest in our own souls … and for those around us who may truly want to love us, accept us, and make us feel like we really belong.

Our Sabotaging Efforts in Belonging

But the cards are stacked against us to an even greater degree.  For as much as we want to belong, we fear the intimacy, vulnerability, and exposure we know it brings. Some of us are controllers, and every situation that starts to get a little “sketchy” we quickly try to manage so as to not feel on the “outside”.  We control our environments, managing what we attend, who we talk to, and sometimes even where we sit, so as to not allow the slightest hint of hurt or isolation to effect us.  I mean who wants to feel that stuff? Unfortunately, such controlling behavior to secure belonging only creates more isolation.  Some of us are connectors, and we think belonging is up to us and we have to “work the room” to make it happen.  If I can be outgoing enough, friendly enough, and engaging enough then how could I possibly not feel a part of something?  We are the social butterflies who never are lacking for someone to talk to, but still wrestle with that nagging feeling of never really feeling known.  We love the crowd, but later wonder if they loved me as much as I tried to love them.  Still others of us are complainers, and for as much as we want to belong and feel accepted, the prospect of rejection carries an even greater weight and motivation to stay away.  So we criticize the shallowness or superficiality of others.  We complain about what others are doing (or aren’t doing) in order to feel better about our own fears of “putting ourselves out there”.  We reason that belonging is an illusion, people will always hurt you, and the church will never get it right, so why try?  It’s no surprise then that we bounce around from “community”, to “social setting”, to “worship service” looking for something that both our culture has distorted, and our own hearts have sabotaged, in search for what our soul truly desires.

A Two-Sided Approach to Belonging  

There is a better way in the Gospel.  True belonging has the vocabulary of commitment, forbearance, steadfastness, and covenanting together for mutual care.  In other words, you cannot truly receive what you are unwilling to freely give.  God came near to us (we call that the incarnation) giving freely and drawing us to Himself without respect to our “worthiness”.  He committed Himself to His children, depositing His Spirit within, and making eternal promises to never leave us.  In response, we fasten ourselves to Him, binding our hearts to His promises, and choosing to make Him our only place of rest.  See how that goes both ways? His commitment to us, our commitment to Him.  His calling us out, our calling Him in … His preparing a home, our making Him home … His acceptance of us, our delight in Him.  At least this is how our Gospel-covenant ought to look.  It’s a good model for human belonging.  If we want to create belonging it must involve a mutual binding of ourselves together.  Two parties saying, “I’m in, I’m here, I trust”.  Yes, that’s hard for sinful people to do, but the best chance of it comes within the covenant context of a local church.  The marriage of Christ to His Bride, as expressed and practiced in our little local assemblies until the great consummation of our marriage in glory.  I know this much – my belonging will never come through the membership cards I carry in my wallet, never be untainted by my fallen heart, and never be fully realized until my Groom returns, but I refuse to stop trying … because I was created to belong, and so were you.

Is God Fair?

I recently hit the Mt. Everest of our Isaiah preaching series (Chapter 53) and a woman hunger to learn and grow as a believer sent me the following question that I thought would be worth posting here on my blog for others who may be wrestling with the same difficult question or just want more clarity on the matter.  She asked:

“I understand that through faith we our saved, and Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Through his death, our faith and salvation is how we are made righteous and go to Heaven. My question is what if someone never learns about Jesus? Does that mean they go to hell? It’s hard for me to grasp that someone may go to hell because of where they were born, or because their family did not believe that and they were not exposed to the teachings of Jesus. It’s does not feel like unconditional love. Or are we all held to a different standard based on what we know and what we have been exposed to or taught?”

Here’s how I tried to help her … Perhaps it will be a help to you too:

It’s a good and hard question, and there is some “tension” in the answer. First a few key references: Acts 4:12“There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.” You are absolutely right in affirming that the Bible clearly teaches that salvation only comes through Jesus and his work on the cross. We call this the exclusivity of Christ … He alone saves. And yes, as you stated that is by faith in Him, not our works, religious acts, or “goodness”. So, first part of the answer – without Christ nobody can be saved, yes even those who have never heard. That’s the hard part … but there is more.

Because salvation is a work of God and not man, and He is the one who “opens” the heart to faith/belief, then God knows when (He created the when) a person’s heart is open (He opens it) and I believe He is always faithful to bring the truth and teaching of Jesus Christ to them. Romans 1:18-20 … I’ll not record it all here, but open your Bible and read it as I comment. The apostle Paul teaches that men suppress the truth of God – By their sinful nature (v18). He then goes on to say that knowledge of God is available to all men, so they are without excuse (v19-20). How is this knowledge available to all men? Through creation and in their conscience. We call the knowledge of God available to all men in creation – General Revelation. How does that work? Something like this I suppose — “Wow, check out those mountains, and that sun, and the birds … there is no way I could make that, or any man for that matter … there must be an amazing Creator God behind this in some way or another.” But that does NOT save anyone, because remember Acts 4:12 – they still don’t know about Jesus, and the cross, and their need for a substitute to deal with their sin and the judgment they deserve. Now, we call the knowledge of God needed for salvation – Special Revelation. How does that come? Through the Word of God and those who preach it, teach it, share it with others – Romans 10:13-18 deals with this issue very clearly (even quotes our Isaiah 53 passage). I believe that when someone responds to God with a soft heart to General Revelation that God supplies the Special Revelation. He brings a Christian friend across their path, directs them to church, etc.

But what about those who have no Christian witness? The “unreached” parts of the world? The tribes in the remote parts? Well, the same is true, they need more than general revelation, they need a witness to the person and work of Jesus. This is why we care so desperately about missions, and specifically missions to the unreached. People in NE OH have “access” to the Gospel if they choose to listen, ask, want to find out more (through you, me, and Leroy Chapel and other Gospel teaching local churches). But not everyone has that opportunity. So we hear the Great Commission of Jesus in Matthew 28:19- 20“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations …” Nations isn’t actually the geo-politic entities that have their own flags and national anthems, it actually means “peoples” or “people groups” and that is far greater than the nations recognized by the UN. For example Ethiopia alone has more than 70 people groups within its borders. Perhaps now you see why the work of missions is vital to the church, and why it so fills the story of God (“you will be a light to the nations”). Because God, like you, wants everyone to have a “fair shot” at hearing or having the opportunity to hear … and then they either choose to believe or reject.

And one last piece … I believe that this “preaching of the Gospel to all the nations” is why Jesus hasn’t returned yet. Not everyone has had a chance to have a Gospel witness. Matthew 24:14“And this Gospel of the Kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.” So, He waits – lovingly and patiently – for the story to spread. We give ourselves to spreading the story … urging those who have an opportunity to hear the Gospel to respond (personal evangelism), and praying/sending/partnering with missionaries to take the Gospel to the unreached peoples of the earth (missions). And one great and glorious day – He returns and judges the living and the dead … those who have believed to life glorious and eternal, and those who have rejected to hell, awful and eternal.

I guess I’ve given you a whole other sermon on the subject. But I do hope it helps!

The Antidotes to Self-Trust

Nobody has to teach you to be mistrusting of others, it comes fairly naturally to the human heart that has been hurt … and who hasn’t been hurt.  No child has perfect parents (if they know their parents), no individual has a perfect spouse (if they are married), no employee has a perfect boss (if they work), no church-goer has perfect leaders (if they attend church) and no friend has perfect companions (if they have some friends) … period.

Just what is the problem that this creates? There are scores of problems arising from these situations – loneliness, abandonment, fear, worry, on and on that list can go.  But what is the problem? I would argue that the default response of the sinful human heart in these situations is self-trust.  Often times that is a conscience choice to push people away who caused hurt, and other times it’s not so deliberate.  Sometimes it’s done with a sinful rejection of those who don’t measure up to your god-like standard, and other times it is actually wisdom to flee violent or abusive situations.  Whatever the specifics of the case may be, in every case the thoughtful child of God needs to do battle against the leanings of their heart to only call yourself (and yourself alone) safe.

In one respect, it’s true – nobody out there is safe.  But the answer is not to push everyone away and opt for selfish isolation, but to stop expecting everyone around you to act like a savior full of endless grace and truth in glorious perfection.  Yet there are ‘safe people’ out there.  People who imperfectly love their Creator and are willing to imperfectly love you.  So, if that’s true how do we do battle against the idols of our heart which are all rooted in self-trust?

Antidote #1: Listen and Remember

The history of the nations of Israel and Judah are cyclical stories of stubbornness and forgetfulness.  God’s power is put on display for they to unmistakably see and yet they choose self, they choose their strategies and tactics for survival and significance.  He brings the firm and loving discipline of a Father who will not let them go, a remnant awakens to his promises and returns to Him.  From the wilderness wanderings, to the conquest of the land, to the period of the judges, to the monarchy, to the divided kingdom, to their captivities and the words of the prophets … it all says the same thing – “Listen to your God you stiff-necked rebels, and remember all that He has done and promised to do … and worship and obey!”  The New Testament writers say the same thing – “Therefore we must pay must closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it” (Hebrews 2:1).  Do you want to fight the self-trusting nature of your soul? Listen to, and remember, your Creator who says – “This is who I am, and this is what I’ve done … you can trust me!”

Antidote #2: Repent and Pray

My teenage son recently bemoaned the fact that he knows that adults aren’t perfect and that they sin, but that he doesn’t see them express that or own it very often.  Ouch!  Ouch to my own soul.  I want my wife and kids to think I’m perfect, but not expect me to be.  I want them to think I’m humble, but not expect me to repent before them.  Yeah, I know – pretty jacked up.  If I’m listening with a soft heart to my Heavenly Father then I will be the earthly father that repents of his own self-trust.  If I’m remembering the goodness of God to me in forgiveness and grace, then I will be a man who runs to Him for more of it – repentance and prayer.  When you and I aren’t quick to see our own sin and turn from it we are trusting in our own thoughts, words, or merit to deal with where we violated the heart and law of God.  And when we aren’t quick to pray, we are trusting our ability to handle the situation, carry the burden, and manage the fallout better than the Lord.  Do you want to fight the self-trust that comes second-nature to you? Process repentance before the Lord and openly with others, and talk to God about the trustworthy nature of His character to you.

Antidote #3: Doubt and Invite 

For all that can be said of self-trust (and lots can be said), perhaps one of the most foundational realities is that you aren’t trustworthy either.  It’s true.  You think you can trust yourself, your judgement, and your motives … but you can’t.  You are just like the next guy who you don’t trust.  It’s just such a greater draw to trust yourself than the next guy because you are in control.  The burden of success and failure is on you and nobody else … and you’re willing to live with that.  But be certain of one thing – You are made of the same stuff as that person who hurt you last year or last week.  Part of my repentance must be exchanging self-trust for self-doubt.  How’s that for an uplifting self-esteem message?  Actually I find it quite freeing personally.  I’m no savior, no perfect parent or perfect husband, certainly not a perfect preacher or all-wise counselor.  In my doubting of self, I am not doubting God’s work in me, His gifts to me, my identity as valued and loved, or the influence He has entrusted to me.  I am just saying that trusting Him is always the better option than trusting me.  And in that obedient doubting I get to invite the care, wisdom, and resources of Him and others to move me forward.  What a bargain: I’m free of putting all the weight on my shoulders, and I get the “light burden” (Matthew 11:28-30) of trusting Him.

These antidotes aren’t a “one-time” shot given at the travel clinic before boarding your international flight.  Rather they are required in “daily doses” for our spiritual health and vitality.  So take your medicine and enjoy the freedom it brings!

 

What Target May Have Overlooked

Last week, Target, the “go-to” store for what you need, announced that – “In our stores, we demonstrate our commitment to an inclusive experience in many ways. Most relevant for the conversations currently underway, we welcome transgender team members and guests to use the restroom or fitting room facility that corresponds with their gender identity.” Right now this is a hot topic in our culture and one that surprisingly appears to me to lack the clarity on all sides needed. In turn it has become simply another “divisive issue” to go to war about between liberals and conservatives, organizations representing Christian morality and those championing inclusivity. I don’t think it has to be that way.

Obvious Differences

Let me start be recognizing I don’t expect we will ever bring both sides together to hold hands and sings songs. There are clear and obvious differences as to one’s belief systems, presuppositions, and authority. Behind these actions and the sides we take are both very personal beliefs and strongly held convictions. These don’t get uprooted by social activism or convincing arguments. But honor and dignity for every person created in the image of God, whether stated that way or not, is something we can agree on. We should be able to recognize that both sides hold strong beliefs related to their commitment to the authority of the Bible or the authority of “no discrimination tolerated”. DA Carson in his excellent little book The Intolerance of Tolerance so aptly points out a day when tolerance actually meant we respect each other’s opinions and beliefs even while strongly opposing them. We should be able to interact with opposing ideas and the actions corresponding to those ideas with honor, respect, and yes … tolerance. This does not mean we check or brains at the door, nor our obvious presuppositions based on theology, culture, or family values.

Protection For All

This is probably the point I am most confused about regarding this decision and ones like it. As a pastor of a church that champions the supremacy of the Scriptures I actually don’t have a problem with attempting to honor all people in retail stores through creative solutions that make everyone feel honored and cared for. The problem and obvious oversight appears to be when you make a decision to do that for one person or group that then puts another person or group in danger. How is that inclusivism done well? I don’t think the issue or problem we should be focused on is about whether a transgender person can select which bathroom to use, but those predators that will take advantage of this decision to openly prey on the vulnerable. I suspect that an individual born male who has transitioned to female might already be using the bathroom or fitting room labeled women. Perhaps without issue, controversy, or causing anyone to feel uncomfortable. The decision made by Target may be affirming that they are supportive of this choice and certainly that makes the transgender community feel supported. But what about those predatory individuals who now are given license to enter the bathroom, fitting room (and in some cases locker room) to take advantage of our children? If indeed the goal of Target is, as they stated – “Everyone deserves to feel like they belong. And you’ll always be accepted, respected and welcomed at Target”, then why in fact does that not apply to everyone including the most vulnerable in any culture – the children? Perhaps we can do better at thinking this one through … together.

Clearly Other Options

I have been known to go into the women’s bathroom from time to time. It’s true. At Starbucks, and other places, where single bathrooms are used, if the men’s bathroom is occupied and the women’s is not … well, yeah I sneak in and used the bathroom that doesn’t correspond with my gender. Without being crude, yes … there is a difference in the two bathrooms, but it’s not as if a man and women can’t use the same toilet. We need to be careful to not get too “up in arms” over the morality issue with those who clearly hold an opposing position. We might also want to recognize that in many cases stores have created “family bathrooms” for us dads who were alone with our young daughters in the store and needed to help them as they were potty training. It may mean that public establishments need to think more consistently about how to create appropriate options for everyone so that everyone feels safe and dignified. As a Christian, I care about Biblical morality, but I’m not that interested in having that intensely personal and immensely important subject over a urinal.

These are tough subjects, and they aren’t going to get any easier to discuss. But we would all be well served to not try to change people’s hearts by public attack. We must care for the vulnerable in our society. We must do our best to treat everyone with dignity and honor, especially those we disagree with. We must be willing to disagree and clearly make a case for truth. We must do all of that in a way that is salt and light to a world in need of a Savior!

Talking To Your Kids About Gender

It really was the case that from the minute Michelle and I got married we had great Godly people around us modeling marriage and family. By the time we were preparing for our first child to enter the world we had watched moms and dads around us closely, taken a couple parenting classes, and drilled our close friends as to the “keys to successful parenting”. But nothing really prepared me for the conversation I had with a few of my kids the other day.

Friday mornings are Dunkin Donut time with our three middle-schoolers. Some mornings we just hang out, other mornings we read theology for kids, or mom takes the girls and I take the boys and we talk “boy talk” or “girl talk”. This past Friday as my son and I sat in one corner, a young man who I had counseled a number of times in previous years came over and said hello to me. It took me about thirty seconds into the conversation before I realized who I was speaking with. This young man was now identifying himself as a transgender woman. I had heard he had made this decision but hadn’t yet bumped into him since this decision had been made. We chatted briefly and shortly thereafter we left to get the kids to school. Once we got in the car I tried to keep conversation going hoping that my kids wouldn’t press in and ask too many questions about my previous encounter. Of course they did … this is 2016 and my kids go to public school, we have a television in our home, and they are generally pretty observant teenagers. I hadn’t rehearsed this “lesson” in my parenting arsenal. Talking to my kids about transgender issues wasn’t in the parenting class Michelle and I took years ago. But here’s what I said:

God Creates Gender

I reminded my kids that way back in the early pages of Genesis it says that God created gender … “male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). We don’t get to choose our gender. Whether someone is a male or a female is in the creative power and wisdom of God. Someone may struggle “feeling” male or female, but that doesn’t make him or her a gender different than God created him or her. In the beginning God determined that two different sexes were the perfect expression of the image of God. That in the man and in the woman God’s image is displayed, both as an individual and in the way they relate to each other as same (human), and as distinct (gender). One is not better than the other, nor did God design a way for mankind to switch between the two genders.

We All Struggle With Identity

I really want my kids to be able to navigate the waters of sexual identity well as this is a watershed issue in our day that is by no means going away. I explained how this young man I was speaking to identified more as a female. We talked about how we all struggle to understand who we are and why God made us the way He did. I reassured them that it’s normal to wrestle with these issues of identity, but that gender identity is determined by God and transgender expressions won’t “fix” what’s going on inside. To think that somehow transitioning at any level will sort out the very human struggle of one’s identity is near-sighted and will only further confuse the struggle someone feels.

Finding The Right Answers Is Crucial

Ultimately I wanted my kids to have empathy for this young man. They could see from his demeanor and physical mannerisms that he wasn’t doing very well. In fact he had told me he recently had a mental breakdown and was having some neurological tests performed to determine what was going on. I want them to fight the natural bent of their hearts to judge and snicker with the grace and compassion that arises from feeling the hurt someone else carries. I want them to deeply understand who they are before the Lord … and even if they don’t get that far, that they at least understand who God created them to be. I want them to understand that without the right answers to these questions you can begin down a path that only leads to greater and greater confusion … and heartache. The gospel-less culture around us champions being who you are, but offers only tips and tools that lead you away from being who God created you to be. I want my kids to be themselves. I want them to look different than my wife and I. I want them to have their own adventures and walk their own paths. I just want them to be equipped to find their worth in Jesus so they can help others navigate these tricky roads we all walk.

Gratitude … and the Day After Christmas

First of all, just let me say that I believe gratitude is a good thing.  Not only is it a good thing, it is a Biblical command – “Give thanks in all circumstances …” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).  But there’s a problem with gratitude.  Gratitude looks back at what’s been done, given, or accomplished … therefore is an inadequate motivation for looking forward to tomorrow (John Piper helped me work this out years ago in my favorite book of his – Future Grace).

You and I said “thanks” for our gifts on Christmas morning, but we need something more to motivate us the day after Christmas.  What is that something more? Looking forward to the gifts that God continually bestows every day until He returns and for all of eternity!  That’s what Piper calls “faith in future grace”.  Here’s why I think this is a big deal:

We know what’s expected of us

It’s easy to be grateful on Christmas morning.  Most of us that have reached an age of understanding social norms recognize that we are supposed to say “thank you” to grandma, and express appreciation for what we were given whether we like it or not.  Any moralistic, behavior-oriented, socially-aware individual can do that (most of the time).  We are conditioned to perform, and even “giving thanks” can become a conditioned response.  I’m not suggested that we don’t say “thanks”, I’m just suggesting that we recognize where our gratitude can malfunction, and that there is more to gratitude that often gets revealed the next day.

When the expectation to perform is no longer present

In our house the day after Christmas ends up being the day to return what you didn’t like, didn’t fit, or want the cash from to buy something else.  Gifts cards that were gratefully received on Christmas get bartered away between siblings for cash to get what you really want.  Of course there isn’t anything wrong with returning gifts, it just alerts us to the great reality that the gifts of yesterday don’t satisfy in being the gifts of tomorrow.  We want more, different, or even if we loved what we got we want that feeling of pleasure to last as long as possible (I’m still basking in the glow of my Apple Watch, but it’ll fade over time).  My point?  The expected social gratitude … and even the proper Biblical heart response of gratitude is a flawed motivation for tomorrow.  It’s always looking backwards, and it’s often seeking an experience or feeling.

We get pleasures forevermore … greater than Christmas morning

The truth of the matter is that for the follower of Jesus even if everything falls apart the day after Christmas, we still have the greatest gift one could ever receive.  The kids can complain, the relatives leave grumpy, the house left in shambles, but Jesus is still enough.  The new year may hold suffering, disappointment, and broken relationships, but the Spirit of God is still at work sanctifying and conforming you into the image of Christ.  If we are merely motivated by gratitude when this stuff hits, then there is nothing to be grateful for anymore, and you have to coax up some regurgitated gratitude of days gone by to get you through.  But if motivated by faith in the future pleasures of God then we can face the day after Christmas … and everyday knowing that God is at work … and it only gets better!

So be grateful … I’m sure you have much to thank God for.  But be a person of faith … we have a God who gives good gifts to His children every day, and never ceases to make the delights of the Gospel precious to those who seek Him.

What Might Star Wars and Your Church Have In Common?

This morning I heard a movie critic on the news describing the blockbuster-opening weekend of the new Star Wars movie. At one point he was celebrating the communal event of everyone in the theater together. I’ll admit I gasped! Communal event? Then I thought, yeah that’s probably right … that is the definition of a communal event in our culture – A lot of people in the same place united by a common pleasure who don’t know each other and leave feeling just as alone as when then arrived. I wonder how many people have that same communal event experience at their local church? They hear the words community, fellowship, and relationships, but have neither given nor received anything close to what those rich Biblical terms promise. Just what is the communal event that the Bible offers and what is being asked of me to participate in that event?

It requires inner attitudes other than those of consumers

 A consumer heads to the theater expecting to be entertained. He purchases a ticket in anticipation of being “wow-ed”. Once he enters his particular hallway he searches for a seat that gives him just the view he wants and situates himself in a way designed to repel others from sitting next to him. He’s quickly annoyed if someone forgot to silence their cell phone or a child becomes disruptive. And he leaves having formed his review to post online long before even opening his car door to head home. I’ll just say, as a pastor, that scenario is one of the most important things we combat in the local church. There is nothing in that movie-going description that should mirror that of a child of God entering the doors of his local church. He should head into his local assembly eager to worship the King of Kings in spirit and in truth. He has purposed in his heart what he will give to the work of the Kingdom. He looks for brothers and sisters to interact with, sit next to, and encourage through his engagement in the service. When the inevitable disruptions come he is patient with people in process, and those children being taught how to sit through a worship service. He isn’t quick to rush out, and hasn’t formed his lunchtime complaints. Rather, led by the Spirit, he looks for new people to introduce himself to, faithful friends with whom he can share the weeks heartaches, and people in need of a genuine embrace.

 It requires outer actions other than those of superficiality

 Now some people “get into” Star Wars and the new movie. They come dressed as movie characters, equipped with light-sabers and their childhood action figures. They may interact with one another, exchanging memories of days gone by, favorite scenes, or the buzz they read online about the direction this movie takes. But none of that touches the soul, nor lasts past the final credits … it just doesn’t have the staying power of relational depth. As the body of Christ we are to be engaged in intentionally redemptive relationships. That doesn’t mean we can’t talk about the movie we just saw, it just means that we won’t only talk about the movie we just saw. Maturing followers of Christ push for spiritual transactions not merely superficial interactions. Here’s a few descriptions of what those look like:

  • Selfless Questions – You don’t ask the question that you can’t wait to answer, you ask the question that invites someone to share life knowing they’ll be listened to. Selfless questions come from a heart that is ready to have self forgotten should nothing be asked in return. They are motivated simply out of a desire to serve another and the healthy human need to speak of their experiences and feelings.
  • Thoughtful Input – Do you ever prepare for a conversation you intend to have with someone on a Sunday morning? Yes, I mean you actually come with a plan to pursue seeking a particular someone out to share something you have been thinking through – a word of specific spiritual encouragement, insight God gave you as you prayed for them this week, an observation about their life that has taught you, etc. Input doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t always be) spontaneous … you can plan to give input.
  • Vulnerable Sharing – You get to let people into your life, even when they don’t ask. It’s called asking for help. Go to a friend (old or brand new) and ask them to pray for you. You do have needs don’t you? Why not think through what is weighing heavy on you, what is causing tension in your soul, or what is approaching fast that makes you fearful. My guess is that your step of faith in being vulnerable will be met with at least one question in return. Sure, some will feel caught off guard, but most will feel honored that you trusted them.
  • Godward Praying – When in doubt, pray. No really, if you don’t know what to ask, don’t have any Biblical insight to offer, and aren’t ready to share something about you … just ask if you can pray together. It might be awkward (at first), but imagine a truly communal event where people are actually being the community of God’s people. They don’t just chat, hang out, or rub shoulders … they turn to the Lord together with grateful hearts for the work of Almighty God who always cares for His children.

None of that stuff happens at movie openings … but all of that should happen at local church gatherings. So, practice community … then go see a movie together!